What Comes First in Wedding Planning?
A calm guide for couples who want to start strong — without getting overwhelmed
It happens on every consultation call.
“We’re excited — but honestly? A bit overwhelmed.”
And I get it. They’ve started browsing venues, opened twenty tabs, and quickly realised this is a much bigger project than expected. Guest numbers. Budgets. Catering styles. Pinterest ideas. Contracts. Traditions. Opinions. Timings.
Most couples I speak to are thoughtful, smart, and organised — but they’ve never planned a wedding before. How on earth are they supposed to know where to start?
That’s the heart of it. Wedding planning doesn’t come with a built-in map.
So let me give you one.
What Actually Comes First?
1. Start with your guest list
Before anything else, get a sense of numbers. You don’t need a full table plan — just a ballpark. Are you imagining 40 guests or 140? A weekend away with close family, or a larger party with friends from every chapter of your lives?
Why it matters? Because your guest count affects everything — especially your venue.
So many of our couples are drawn to Scotland because of its rich history — often dreaming of a castle or grand estate wedding. But these historic buildings weren’t always designed for big guest numbers. Some of the most beautiful dining rooms seat just 50 or 60 people. The number of venues that can comfortably host more than 70–80 guests indoors (without a marquee) is surprisingly small.
This might mean:
Adjusting your guest list
Opting for a characterful, architecturally interesting space (like a converted stable or orangery)
Choosing a more modern reception space on the grounds of a historic estate
Or planning a marquee wedding — which offers flexibility, but adds significant cost and complexity
Guest numbers are your foundation — get that in place, and the rest starts to fall into shape.
2. Talk honestly about your budget
Once you have a rough guest count, it’s time to talk numbers. What are you comfortable spending? Is anyone else contributing? And just as importantly — what expectations might come with that support?
Well-meaning contributions from family members can sometimes come with strings: wanting friends invited, being included in every decision, or even assuming a final say on key elements. It’s not always dramatic — but it can cause tension later on if assumptions aren’t gently addressed from the start.
The earlier you clarify expectations, the easier the rest of planning will be. You can’t always predict where pressure will come from — but a simple conversation now can save months of second-guessing later.
And if you don’t have a clear sense of what things cost yet — that’s completely normal. This is where one well-timed consultation (or a service like our Kick-Starter) can give you a realistic overview and a working structure to move forward with confidence.
3. Picture the feel of the day — not just the look
Once you’ve talked budget, the next step is to get clear on what kind of experience you want to create. Do you imagine a long, joyful weekend with time to connect? A one-day celebration with great food and a packed dance floor? Something more intimate? Or something that brings lots of people together in a big, beautiful setting?
These early conversations aren’t about colours or cake — they’re about energy, flow, and priorities. Do you want it to feel relaxed and immersive, or bold and vibrant?
Would a small group of 40 be perfect, or do you want 120 in a room buzzing with energy?
This is also where practicalities and vision meet. For example:
Some private estates include stunning dining spaces — but only for up to 50 or 60 guests
Most exclusive-use venues offer around 20 beds onsite, which is lovely for close family but requires accommodation planning for everyone else
Larger guest counts often mean a marquee or a modern outbuilding — which can be beautiful, but may shift the feel (and the budget)
Another consideration: accommodation. Many exclusive-use estates include onsite bedrooms — typically sleeping around 20 guests. That’s wonderful for family or wedding party stays, but you’ll need a plan for others. Thinking through these logistics early helps you avoid surprises later.
4. Consider the time of year
Before you dive into venues, take a moment to think about when you want to get married. This isn’t just about availability — it affects style, cost, guest experience, and even logistics. In Scotland, the most popular months (May to September) offer the promise of longer days and lush gardens — but the weather is famously unpredictable. If you're planning for an outdoor ceremony or reception, you'll need a fully viable Plan B, not just a vague idea to “move inside.”
The reality is: for fair-weather months, we always build both versions of the day. A brilliant Plan A and a beautiful, well-timed indoor Plan B — so you’re covered either way.
By contrast, an autumn or winter wedding usually means your Plan A is already indoors — often with candlelight, rich textures, or seasonal food — and that clarity can simplify the decision-making process.
Your preferred season might also impact:
Venue style (some feel best in summer light, others shine in winter cosiness)
Budget (peak summer dates come at a premium)
Accommodation (school holidays and festival dates can limit options)
Thinking about your season early helps you find a venue that’s not only beautiful, but truly works for the type of day you want.
5. Pick your venue (with clarity — not just curiosity)
Once you’ve considered guest numbers, budget, feel, and time of year, it’s finally time to look at venues. And it should feel exciting — this is where your wedding starts to take shape. But try not to fall into the scroll trap. The most photogenic spaces aren’t always the most practical or comfortable. Think about layout, flow, timing, privacy, lighting, access, parking, catering policies, sound limits, and — crucially in Scotland — wet weather plans.
If you’re not local to your wedding location (and most of our clients aren’t), you may need to book your venue before ever setting foot on site. That’s entirely possible — but it requires a different kind of diligence.Look for venues that offer detailed brochures, virtual tours, and Zoom or FaceTime walkthroughs. And don’t underestimate social media — videos that suppliers and past couples have shared can offer a far more honest sense of the space in action than polished promotional footage.
We also recommend you:
Check tagged posts on Instagram and TikTok
Ask how different ceremony or reception options look in bad weather
Find out who sets up the space — and when
Confirm what's included and what you need to bring in (tables, linens, lighting, heaters)
If this part feels overwhelming, it’s a sign you may benefit from experienced guidance — whether that’s one consultation to talk through options or full planning support that includes venue sourcing and site visits on your behalf.
For more on this, you might find our blog post “What Questions Should I Ask My Wedding Venue?” especially helpful — it’s full of practical prompts to help you spot the right fit.
6. Set your planning priorities
With the venue booked, it’s tempting to start ticking off suppliers as quickly as possible. But before you do, take a breath and think about what matters most to you.
For many of our couples, the priorities sound something like this:
Great food and drink. A beautiful, atmospheric space. And an experience that feels effortless and unforgettable for their guests.
Others might dream of abundant, sculptural flowers that transform the space. Or an editorial-style photoshoot worthy of a Vogue feature. Some care most about music, or the ceremony, or giving guests a full weekend to slow down and celebrate.
There’s no right way — but there is your way.
Getting clear on what you truly care about will guide everything from where you spend your budget to which decisions can wait.
This is often the point where couples get stuck again — because suddenly there are 40 decisions to make, and a dozen different voices (or blogs) telling you what’s “essential.”
That’s exactly where something like our Wedding Roadmap can help: a calm structure, tailored guidance, and the expertise to keep your planning steady and on track.
Final thoughts
If you’ve just got engaged and are wondering where on earth to begin — you’re not alone. Most of the couples we work with feel that same early wave of excitement and overwhelm. It’s completely normal. Planning a wedding means making dozens of decisions you’ve never had to make before — often with no clear roadmap, and a lot of pressure to get it “right.”
But with the right structure — and a little expert input at the right time — the process can feel calmer, clearer, and even enjoyable.
Whether you’d prefer full planning support from the start, or something more flexible like our Kick-Starter or Wedding Roadmap services, we’re here to help.
And if you’re planning solo, we hope posts like this one offer a little clarity and confidence when you need it most. We’ll keep sharing what we’ve learned from over a decade of weddings in Scotland — and if there’s something you’d love to see covered in a future post, we’d be thrilled to hear from you.
You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Let’s make this feel simpler.
- The Scarlett & Bell Team x